Clouds On The Horizon
by ConstantTraveller
Summary: When dark clouds appear on the horizon, Goku knows what to expect. Sanzo/Goku  3x9   Oneshot


Cloud On The Horizon

Summary: When dark clouds appear on the horizon, Goku knows what to expect. Sanzo/Goku [3x9]

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in relation to Saiyuki.

AN: I have always enjoyed the scenes where Sanzo is affected by the rain. It's such a melancholy mood that strikes him and I just love being able to explore the concept and the way that it troubles the rest of the group. Please review with your thoughts but most of all, enjoy!

**Clouds On The Horizon **

When the distant form of a dark cloud enters his vision, Goku tries to ignore it. He tries to ignore the feeling of an uncomfortable seat and the beat of the hot sun as they drive. He tries to ignore the smoke of Gojyo or the way the man's legs sprawl themselves uncomfortably over his side of the car. He tries to ignore the way Sanzo's head raises after an hour of drooping low on his chest, as he seeks out the cloud on the horizon. He tries to ignore the feeling that hits him, telling him that more is to come which can't simply be dismissed.

He tries to ignore it all because if he doesn't acknowledge it, perhaps it might go away.

It doesn't, of course. But there is nothing that he can do, sitting in the hot sun with his stomach tearing itself apart from hunger. There is a deep feeling of anxiety that has entered his being and it mixes uncomfortably with his empty stomach to create a strange sensation. He knows that his complaining is annoying but his hunger is vicious and painful, a reminder of something that he can't remember. A time when food was not an option and pain was a daily annoyance.

He can't see much of Sanzo's face from his position but through the messy strands of gold, he catches a tightening around the eyes, and a deep, unsettling frown that seems out of place. He has watched the man enough to know what looks right and there is something gut wrenching about the hopelessness of his expression and the set of his shoulders.

But he doesn't say anything, for once, because he has to conserve his strength. He's tired, sore and just a little bit off-tempered. There are only so many youkai that he can deal with in a day and he may have just found his limit. His ribs ache from a side kick and there is a bruise on his shoulder that throbs uncomfortably in the aftermath. But he deals with it in silence, like the rest of the group, each with their own mask arranged and fitted. There is a tense silence in the car, which he doesn't believe is only from the previous battle.

When a town comes into view, he tries not to smile too wide but he can see a lazy grin etch itself onto Gojyo's face as he peeks through a smoke hazed eye at the row of buildings ahead. Hakkai is beaming but there is no change in Sanzo except for a lift in his head. The car speeds along towards a larger house which distantly morphs into an inn.

It's a few stories high and seems in good repair. There is a horse tethered to a shed at the side of the inn and a small patch of vegetables in the soil that makes his stomach complain.

"Not bad," says Gojyo as he stretches his legs before taking a long drag of his cigarette.

"Hopefully they have a vacancy," says Hakkai, staring up at its main door.

Sanzo has slid out of his seat gracefully, his lean form seeming too small out of the confines for the car. Goku tries to ignore the sudden urge he feels to be near the monk. It's almost unbearable sometimes but he tries to ignore it or at least be subtle in his attempts to get closer. It makes him feel strange, to know that at any moment, he may have a flashback of a feeling that won't resolve itself.

He follows the monk inside, noticing a small common room to the left of the stairs and a kitchen beyond that. There is a small man behind the reception counter, with a balding head and a pleasant expression.

"Oh, welcome! Will you all be needing rooms tonight?"

"Yes, thank you." Says Hakkai politely as he bows in greeting.

"That can be arranged," says the man, "In fact, we have two spare rooms upstairs, if it would please you. And not to mention that we include a complimentary meal for every guest."

Goku tries not to sigh in appreciation but the anxiety he is feeling has reduced by a bit.

"Just give me the key," says Sanzo, already on the offensive and eager to be able to lie down before the rain hits the town.

"Oh, of course," says the man, fumbling at Sanzo's tone and his serious expression. The man holds out the two keys, while Sanzo withdraws his card, tossing it onto the counter nonchalantly as he grabs a key and heads for the stairs. The man seems startled by the card and the wealth it exudes, but tucks it neatly out of sight.

"I'll return the card in the morning with a receipt of your night," says the innkeeper to Hakkai, who smiles pleasantly and takes the next key. "It's the rooms at the end of the corridor. Have a pleasant night!"

The innkeeper leaves and they stand silently for a moment.

"Damn, Monk. He could at least help us with the luggage."

"Well…," says Hakkai after a pause, "I saw a few rainclouds on the horizon…"

"Do you think they'll have meat buns?" Goku says, trying to steer the conversation away from a topic that he hates. He can see Hakkai and Gojyo trade worrying glances between each other, communicating a paragraph in a simple look. He wonders if they think him to be thick or if the glance means that they caught his attempt to change the subject.

"I'm sure they will. But first, who takes which room?" Says Hakkai as he holds out the key.

"There's no freakin way I'm rooming with the monk tonight. Not with those rain clouds coming through," says Gojyo, his arms crossed in front of him as he leans against a wall.

"I could," says Hakkai, as usual, taking a self-sacrificing approach. Goku can tell though that he doesn't want to room with Sanzo. His expression is dismal at the idea of the night. Not to mention that there is a soft blush on his features which suggests an ulterior motive for rooming with Gojyo.

"Can…" says Goku, "Can I?"

The expression of the two men is shocked and he feels silly for asking. He knows that the man is moody and unpredictable but he likes to see him when he is suffering, to quench the sounds in his head that are either insanity or silent screams. Even if he is insulted, he at least likes to know that the man is okay.

"Go ahead, monkey," says Gojyo, "Just don't expect to switch rooms with us halfway through the night."

"Wouldn't want to anyways, you snore."

"Like you're any better, you idiot."

"I don't snore!"

"Do too!"

Hakkai sighs at their bickering, "Just bring in the bags with me and then we can eat."

Goku pokes his tongue out at Gojyo, following him out to the Jeep. Their bags aren't very heavy so it only takes one trip to bring his and Sanzo's gear up to the room for the night. When he tries the room, he finds the door unlocked and inside, Sanzo has reclined on a bed and is staring up at the ceiling in silence. He feels nervous, for a reason that he can't place but he tries not to show it too much.

"Do you want some dinner?" He asks as he unpacks some clean clothes.

"No," says Sanzo curtly and Goku realises that a splash of moisture has collided with the window next to Sanzo's bed. He bites his lip, knowing that in a few moments, the surrounding town would be soaked with the rain and happy for it.

"Are you sure," he presses, worried about the monk.

Sanzo doesn't say anything but he looks in Goku's direction and narrows his eyes threatening. Goku can feel his face becoming flush at the look, knowing that he had pissed him off.

"Okay," he says as he drops his bags to head downstairs, "well… I'll see you later then…"

He heads downstairs, away of the silence from the room he had just left.

When the food finally arrives, he can feel his whole body surge in happiness. There are meat buns, rice and a thick stew in front of them and the smell of the hot, delicious food nearly makes him weep for joy. Hakkai and Gojyo seem to feel the same way and for the first few minutes, they tuck into their food without conversation. He notices a few looks being cast his way, though, by the other men but that doesn't stop him from sectioning off a portion of the meal for Sanzo. He doesn't care if the man said that he wasn't hungry, he was going to bring him food regardless.

"What're you doing?" Says Gojyo through a mouthful.

"Leaving some for Sanzo," he replies nonchalantly.

"Didn't the bastard say that he didn't want any?"

He flushes red, "Maybe but he's not a bastard and he needs to eat."

"How the fuck he gained your loyalty is beyond me."

"Gojyo," says Hakkai, "Don't swear. And I think it's a great idea. Sanzo needs to eat and perhaps he will feel better later."

There's a small silence at his words because they all know that Sanzo has never gotten better as the night increased. If anything, his silence would become deeper, his replies shorter and more terrifyingly, his anger would be replaced with a hopeless depression. Mostly, it's why Goku wants to be around him, so that he can offer something of his strength to his sun when he is obviously lacking his own.

"I wish it wasn't raining," he sighs out, in between mouthfuls.

The two are looking at him with curiosity because sometimes, they forget that he thinks. It's almost as if they believed him to be blinded to what was to come, a simpleton.

"So do we," says Hakkai truthfully.

"I'm full," says Gojyo, "…that was good. We should stop here again some day. I like this town."

"It is nice. I hope you weren't planning on going out drinking tonight?"

"Nah, I'm beat from today. Nothing like a good battle to make me sleep well."

"Not like you did much," grumbles Goku, clearly remembering taking out half a dozen more than the kappa had.

"Oi, if it wasn't for me, you'd be rotting in a ditch right now!"

"Sure I would," says Goku as he rolls his eyes. His arm still aches from the shockwaves of hitting a particularly hard resistance and his legs throb from the activity of the day.

"Well," says Hakkai, "You'd all be dead if I wasn't around to heal you."

Both start to argue, before realizing that Hakkai's statement was indeed true. They probably would be dead without his healing and no amount of skills on the battlefield was going to erase that fact. There were too many enemies after them for even their level of skill to be the defining factor in their survival. Hakkai seems to feel the approval of the group and a content smile wraps its way onto his face as he continues to eat.

Finally, when his belly is full and he feels slightly more alive than he had before, Goku starts to bring the food up to his room. He hasn't brought a lot, he doesn't expect Sanzo to actually eat. Just a bowl of rice and a meat bun. He knows that the room will probably be full of smoke when he arrives and Sanzo will hardly talk, just watch the rain drops patter on the window with an expression that fills him with dread. The other two group members seem to throw pitying glances at him as he leaves, knowing full well that his efforts are hopeless. But he doesn't care, to him, nothing was more important than showing that he cared.

As he has expected, Sanzo is still lying on the bed, a cigarette between his fingers and an apathetic expression on his face. His robe is striped to the waist, revealing his clothes underneath and the almost skeletal frame of his body.

"I bought you some food," he says, with a warm expression on his face as he places the tray of food on side table next to Sanzo's bed.

Sanzo simply looks at him, his eyes, although soft on their own, are framed by a sharp tightening of the skin around them, which makes him look old, weary and pissed off at the world. He takes another drag of the cigarette, before turning back to the window and continuing with his dreary thoughts, ignoring the hot food. Goku wouldn't mind finishing the tray as an after dinner snack but even if it goes off and cold, he would never take food away from Sanzo.

He doesn't have anything else to do so he simply lies his head down and sleeps. Sleep comes quickly, he is lulled into oblivion by the white noise of rain and the presence of his sun.

When he wakes up, it's still night and judging by the cast of the shadow from the window, a bit past midnight. His sleep deprived mind is dazed by the unexpected awakening and he rubs his eyes while stretching. It's only when his foot hits another body that he realizes he is not alone in his bed and instantly, he feels more awake then ever.

When he props himself up with his elbows, he can see Sanzo sitting on the side of his bed, one leg slung over the side while the other rests casually in front of him. He isn't smoking anymore and his robe is still cast around his waist like before. Goku can't see very well in the dark but he knows that the man is turned towards him, perhaps startled by his foot and his movement in the dark.

"S-Sanzo?" He says, shakily and for once, he feels glad for the dark and the way it conceals the dark blush on his cheeks. He may be young but he isn't stupid and he can't help but let his mind run rampart with scenarios that could play out. In the dark, he feels like all of his secrets are able to bubble forth and he feels like deep down, he had always been in the love with the man.

But he still doesn't know why the man is actually on his bed so he simply waits, patiently, for a move to be made.

"I woke you," says Sanzo. It's more of a statement than a question and Goku finds himself nodding.

"Are you alright," he asks.

"I was just… thinking," Sanzo sighs, before shifting the leg which was thrown over the bed to move himself into a lotus position, "you should go back to sleep."

Goku swallows heavily before nervously asking, "Why… are you on my bed?"

There's a silence and Goku wonders if he has spoiled it, if in the morning, the monk will glare at him and refuse to room with him ever again. It makes his chest tight, to consider the possibility of Sanzo being angry at him, he's used to him simply being annoyed.

But instead, there is a soft confession which makes his heart feel twice as heavy, just for a different reason, "I was lonely."

He can imagine, quite clearly, Sanzo as a child. Abandoned yet again but this time driven to loneliness by murder. He can imagine how the rain must send him into a spiral, reminding him of things better left forgotten. How the silence must claw at his mind and the pitying looks of the group must drive him insane.

"Do you want to talk?" He asks, hopeful.

"No," says Sanzo, resolutely, "You should go back to sleep. I'm going to meditate."

He would usually press for answers but the situation is too raw for him to overstep a boundary. He accepts the mans answer and lies back down, rolling over to make room for the monks body to sit at the end. His worrying is lesser and so sleep comes quickly to him again, although he stays awake for longer than he should, simply watching the still form of his dormant sun as he meditates. The man is in a world of his own so he doesn't have to worry about being caught staring. He can't see much in the darkness but he can see the gentle rise of his chest, which is enough to give him comfort.

In his sleep filled haze, he isn't sure if he imagines the soft hand on his ankle or the way that the man seems to rest on him while he meditates. When he falls out of sleep before dawn, he can still feel a resting hand over his leg and it gives him shivers up his spine. He falls asleep again, not caring that he would have to wake up soon anyways.

When he does awaken again and the sun is shining through the windows as a duet to the calling of the birds, he is alone. The room is empty and as he sits up in the bed, he notices that there is a slight crease in the folds of the linen at the end of the bed. It brings a smile to his face to know that he wasn't dreaming, that he didn't imagine the hand around his ankle or the heat of another person.

When he shrugs himself out of bed, he notices that the tray is still in the room but half the food is eaten. His heart feels light, although it gives a great thump when the door to the room opens and Sanzo appears again.

"Morning," he mumbles, yawning and stretching.

Sanzo's eyes narrow at him but there is no malice in him, only deep thought and a calculated glance. He is slightly wary of what to say but is interrupted anyways by a deep rumble in his stomach.

"When's breakfast?" He asks as he yawns again.

"Do you only ever think of food," the man asks as he gathers up his things and lights another cigarette. There is a normalcy to their interaction which makes him feel satisfied and happy and he can tell that the other man is feeling the same.

"Only when I'm not eating," he says cheekily as he grabs his rucksack from beside the bed and rummages around in it for a new shirt. Pulling off his old shirt, he shrugs on his new one, emerging from its depths refreshed and ready for the day. Across from him, Sanzo is sitting on his bed, watching him with those deceptively calm eyes while the smoke from his cigarettes drifts to the ceiling.

He can't help but mention the night before, even though he knows that it might ruin the good mood they had both awoken with, "Are you feeling better?"

His voice sounds small and weak when it emerges but his concern for the other man is nearly overwhelming. He gets the same jolt of neediness that had been a constant companion to him for years and he holds himself back from simply sitting next to the man in an attempt to be close, near and beside him.

"Hmmm," says Sanzo as he leans back, one hand propping him up and the other bringing a cigarette to his mouth, "I am."

Goku smiles and it must be particularly genuine because the other man rolls his eyes and stands up, a light rosy colour tainting his otherwise pale cheeks. "C'mon, monkey, breakfast is ready."

He smiles, tugging his shirt properly into place before slipping on some shoes and following the monk out of the door.

When he emerges downstairs, Hakkai and Gojyo give him a worrying look but he simply smiles and digs into his breakfast.

When Sanzo sits next to him, after having retrieved his card from reception, he feels like everything might be right with the world.

He feels content.

**[FIN]**

AN: Well, hopefully you guys enjoyed that! I wish more stories explored the side of Goku that isn't all fun and games. Anyways, as usual, please review if you enjoyed! Thanks for reading!


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